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4 Models (S and U series) | |||
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2 Models (S and U series) | |||
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Eddie Haskell, of 'Leave It to Beaver' fame. All-American kiss-ass.
Step 1: Enjoy It!
If you truly manage for glory — and that means ascending the corporate ladder with gusto and by any means possible — you’re bound to ruffle some feathers. Lots of feathers. And you’re bound to inspire legions of adversaries, naysayers and haters.
Amidst this ugly landscape, a sycophant (a.k.a., a kiss-ass) can be a welcome oasis of encouragement.
After all the flack you put up with, you sure deserve an ass-kissing. Don’t be repulsed by the underlying insincerity. Just kick back and enjoy it!
A recent example of an ass-kissing I enjoyed:
Sycophant: “What a wonderful presentation you gave today!”
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Me: “Hmm, yes.”
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Sycophant: “You had everyone on the edge of their seats.”
Me: “Fine.”
Sycophant: “I sure learned a lot.”
Me: “About what?”
Sycophant: “About how much panache, gravitas and gumption you have!”
Me: “Go on.”
Sycophant: “Has your swagger gotten even more commanding?”
Feels good!
Step 2: Transform that Kiss-Ass into a Hype Man (or Hype Lady)
After enjoying a few good ass-kissings, you’ll soon want to upgrade your sycophant to something more useful: a hype man. Whereas a sycophant aims to make you feel good about yourself, a hype man aims to make others feel good about you. This is much more useful, as a competent hype man can transform any humdrum situation — via hyperbolic praise (a.k.a., “hype”) — into an impromptu celebration of your greatness.
It’s not hard to upgrade your sycophant. A sycophant already has the perfect levels of enthusiasm and toadyism to turn his/her ass-kissing into effective hyping. It’s just a matter of broadening the audience from you to anyone who’ll listen. Encourage your sycophant to spread the good word. Provide a bullhorn.
Step 3: Everyone Feels Better (about You)
You might ask: But does hype really work in a corporate environment?
Of course! People love hype. Essentially, it’s just another form of gossip — the most delicious genre of corporate communication. And like gossip, the more outlandish the hype, the more irresistible.
A good example of hyping:
Alright, we know the man who’s going to address the meeting in just a moment. But first I want to know something. I want to know who’s ready — who’s truly ready for the man who can type 150 words per minute on a BlackBerry. What? Who’s ready for the man who increases shareholder value every time he signs his name? I can’t hear you! I can’t heeear you. That’s it. Who’s ready for the man who biked to work on Bike to Work Day because he believes in a better future for our children? Who’s ready for the next CEO of this company? Get on your feet. Get on your feet!
You get the idea.
Step 4: Enjoy It!
Paint bucket mac for word.
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Soon your reputation and credibility will grow, and — naturally — your swagger will get all the more commanding. Feels good!